Shit doesn’t just happen
Advice from a London Scat Domme, Hardsports Mistress, or whatever you want to call me, for aspiring toilet slaves.
As you can imagine, being London’s Premier Scat Queen means that I receive a huge amount of applications from wannabe toilet slaves, emails from admirers wanting to be sent my shit, etc. A lot of horny men write to me without having thought through what they are asking for. Don’t worry, I totally get it. You’re horny, you’ve been wanking while looking at sexy photos and imagining eating my shit. You’re so horny once you get to writing me the email that all the blood has gone from your brain to your cock and your neanderthal brain is in full control, putting sexual pleasure before common sense
I get that your little slave brain is incapable of working correctly the moment you start thinking about submission. I totally get it. But I am fed up of answering the same questions again and again, and I am fed up of receiving the same ridiculous requests over and over, even after having written a guide for aspiring toilet slaves a few years ago. So I have decided to (finally) create:
1./ On timing
I am a very regular defecator. I go between 10am and 10:30am every day. I go several times a day, but I can only guarantee quality, quantity, and most importantly specific timing for my first poo of the morning. Therefore, I only offer scat sessions at 10 or 10:30 in the morning. I could offer 2 or 3 a day if I was money greedy, but the quality of the experience for my toilet slave is more important to me than anything else. I also refuse to use artificial aids to help me go. So if you want to serve as my toilet slave, you need to be available when I need you, and not expect me to be available when suits you. I am not a soft serve dispenser machine.
As someone who prides herself on the quality and quantity of her loads, I put a lot of effort into adjusting my diet specifically for scat. On top of healthy doses of probiotics and fibre as well as a healthy diet, I like to increase the quantity of food that I ingest in order to ensure that my toilet slave gets a nice healthy load of shit. This means that I require at least 24 hours’ notice when booking a scat session, because that is how long food takes to go through the digestive system. So no, I won’t see you with an hour’s notice at 10PM.
I do get an awful lot of requests for specific types of shit. I get asked for all grades of the Bristol Stool Chart from runny to rabbit pellets. It’s lovely that you think that I have the ability to control the texture of my poo as if I was baking a cake from a recipe which I can tweak as I wish, but the reality is that I am making poo. My body is doing this all on its own, and totally unaided (amazing, I know!) and the process is a complex one that is influenced not only by what I have eaten but also by my hydration levels, activity level, the current state of my gut flora and stomach acids, the amount of sleep I am getting, the weather, the state of the U.S. government, the colour of Theresa May’s shoes… basically, the equation necessary to work out how to make my shit come out at the exact perfect texture which you have requested is something even Einstein might struggle with.
So why don’t you just accept that whether it is hard and chewy or soft like chocolate pudding, shit is shit and you’ll be getting a very big turd all for yourself and you should be grateful for that rather than nit picking? And anyway, you’re probably going to puke most of it up again (maniacal laughter).
3./On artificial aids
One thing which I actually find quite vexing yet which happens far too frequently, is when potential toilet slaves ask me to assure them that I don’t use laxatives or enemas or anything else of the kind. It’s quite insulting that with all the effort that I put into my art and reputation as Britain’s leading Scat Dominatrix that I get asked this on a regular basis. Especially when I am so clear about having a specific time of day. I am sorry that you have fallen on I don’t know how many scam artists who have taken your money and failed to deliver the goods, or have given you very literally a ‘Brown Shower’ when you were hoping for something more consistent, but maybe you should have come to see a reputable hardsports mistress to start off with and you might have avoided being ripped off. I may be more expensive than those unknowns, but there’s a good reason for that. And when you add up all the money you have wasted on sub-par experiences, wouldn’t it have been more financially viable to spend more right from the start? So, just to make things clear: I never have nor will I ever use artificial aids such as laxatives or enemas to help me produce shit (unless of course my toilet slave specifically asks to be sprayed, in which case I am happy to oblige).
I have fed well over 200 toilet slaves over the years, and only one ever got ill. Unfortunately for him, I had norovirus and it went in waves. I thought I was over it, but it came back full force during our session and he caught it. But somewhere deep inside, he was proud to suffer with me. How sweet. Anyway, suffice to say that one small casualty over more than five years is pretty good going. So yes, my shit is safe to eat. I regularly get tested for STD’s and I am vaccinated against Hep-A and Hep-B. And if ever I am feeling unwell, I reschedule any booked sessions. I also have a healthy diet and take probiotics and prebiotics as well as fibre supplements daily to ensure that my toilet slaves get a healthy does of gut bacteria. And with how much is now being found out about the importance of having diversity in your gut bacteria, well one might almost say that I am making the world a better place one toilet slave at a time
4./On the session
I get asked a lot of very specific questions about how sessions will run. From tools to techniques, let me run you through everything as comprehensively as possible, step by step.
a)How will I sit?
I often get asked if I can squat over the slave’s face to do my business. Technically I could, but it’s really uncomfortable and forces me to strain, which means I won’t produce as much as I could. So I really prefer not to. I have 3 toilet seats, from a queening box which places my arse right against your mouth, smothering you as I shit on you, to a commode chair which is the most comfortable for me to use and gives you a panoramic view of my arse and of the shit slowly dropping down towards your face.
b) Can you make me wear an O-gag or a Jennings gag to force my mouth open?
As much as in your fantasy, having your mouth forced open with the use of a gag helps you consume better, the reality is that wearing a gag prevents you from doing 2 things which are vitally essential to consuming shit: chewing and swallowing. Wearing a gag whilst being used as a toilet is more likely to make you throw up or choke than to help you consume. Therefore, I thoroughly dissuade people from using gags for toilet servitude. If, in spite of my advice, you still really want to use a gag, please bring your own as it’s really really difficult if not impossible to completely clean shit off a gag and I invest in expensive equipment that I would rather not have to throw out.
c) I’d really like you to sit on my face and smother me while I consume your shit.
Listen honey, I’m into using men as toilets and teaching them to serve me. I’m not into getting my arse covered in shit. So no.
d) I’d love you to get messy and shitty with me.
Please refer to point c.
e)Can you please smear your shit all over my body and get me really really messy?
I can indeed, but if you want to do that it will have to be in a hotel, as I am not taking on the responsibility of cleaning up after you. And I only session in hotels 4 stars and up.
f)Can we have a 2 hour session in which you peg me for an hour before shitting in my mouth?
As lovely as that sounds, there is no way I can do an hour’s worth of heavy physical exercise while I am dying for a dump, so the answer is sadly no. I am happy to use you as my toilet, send you for a nice shower, and then peg you afterwards though.
g)Can I be your toilet for a whole day and just lie in the toilet box while you go around your business and hold other sessions? And your friends can use me too.
Sorry to break the fantasy for you, but what you are asking for is not really feasible. Firstly, I doubt very much if my other clients would enjoy knowing there was a man covered in shit hiding behind a curtain during their session. Secondly, toilet slaves stink. I am not receiving other slaves in a playspace that smells like a public toilet. Thirdly, My playspace isn’t the set of a 90’s sitcom with random people just dropping by to say hi and gossip throughout the day. You are welcome to make a booking where we create the fantasy of all this happening, but it won’t be cheap. However, if you can pay, I will make the experience AMAZING.
h)Can I be your 24/7 toilet live in toilet slave living off your shit?
Luckily for you, I have an entire blog post dedicated to this very question
I have written this blog post from memory of questions that get asked, but rest assured that I will be updating it as more questions and requests come my way in the future. I am hoping that this post will become somewhat of a scat encyclopedia for my toilet slaves.