the right way to masturbate

One for the Ladies: It’s all about you

Today, a special blog post. This one is not written for My fans and clients, but rather for the Women out there.

So Ladies, listen up because this is an important one.

When I was in university, I worked for a very famous female run British sex shop. This was how I discovered the joys of masturbation with machines.  At the ripe old age of 19, I purchased My first vibrator and it looked something like this:


This is My first vibrator. Notice those awesome ball bearings

Needless to say that with those ball bearings grinding on My G-spot, I came in about 20 seconds the first time I used it. My rabbit was My trusty companion for a few years afterwards. At the time, it had pretty much broken My budget, costing a whopping £45, which is a lot for a poor student. But it was worth it. Unfortunately, it died a horrible death once I was living in Ottawa, in Canada. I scoured the sex shops for an exact replacement, unable to find any, and settled with a rather boring vibrator that was nothing more than a vibrating shaft, and quite cheap too. Needless to say that masturbating with this was nowhere near the same experience. But I stuck with it, thinking that it did the job, and that was all I needed.

My standard vibe. The vibrations on this one were quite rumbly, which was nice compared to the buzzy types, especially if you enjoy vaginal stimulation. But it did leave to be desired.

My standard vibe. The vibrations on this one were quite rumbly, which was nice compared to the buzzy types, especially if you enjoy vaginal stimulation. But it did leave to be desired.

Fast forward a few years. I am back in the UK, in London, and living on a pretty low income as a chef. My shitty vibe which I bought in Canada has died as well, and so I decide to break the bank and go for another vibrator. I am back on My home turf, and so I know exactly where to head to get My replacement. I remember walking down Oxford Street, looking for the famous sex shop. Once inside, I quickly went up to the staff to ask them if I could purchase a platinum rabbit. Unfortunately, there was none to be found. They had stopped selling them. The Lady kindly pointed Me to this “new and amazing” brand called Lelo. I bought their version of the rabbit for a huge £100, being promised that it was the best thing available on the market. I got home excited to use it.

The Lelo rabbit. Seriously, don't bother.

The Lelo rabbit. Seriously, don’t bother.

To be honest, th experience was underwhelming. I had spent a lot of money on something which was promised to Me as a magical masturbatory device, and it was just two buzzy vibrators stuck together inside silicone. Not only that, but it stopped working after less than a year and there didn’t really seem to be anything available that would top it. When I went into sex shops, I was always faced with an array of rainbow coloured little works of art, all different shapes and sizes, but in the end, they were all the same inside. Just a little buzzy vibrator or two which would never be quite satisfactory. So I bought Myself another Lelo, and just stuck with it. To be honest, I actually pretty much stopped masturbating after that. With that little device, masturbation was just super mechanical. But seeing what else was on offer, I just sucked it up since I had been told that the toy I had was the best on the market.

Fast forward a few years again, and I am now a dominatrix. I have spent thousands on toys of all sorts for My customers, and yet I am still using My little Lelo. One toy in particular which I have purchased is called the Venus 2000. It cost Me a whopping grand and a half, and is a male masturbatory device made by a lovely small company in America, which gives men the most amazing masturbatory experience ever! I was jealous of how My clients got to play with this amazing sex toy, and thought that I wasn’t being fair on Myself providing My clients with this amazing piece of kit and much more but yet still using My shitty little overpriced vibe on Myself. The makers of the Venus 2000 also make an amazing female masturbatory device called the Sybian. It is like a big hobby horse that you sit on top of which has rotating insertable attachments and which vibrates with what feels (and sounds) like the power of a Harley Davidson! It cost Me the same amount as the Venus 2000 (which I realise is out of most people’s budget), but I figured that I deserved something good for Myself too.

The amazing Venus 2000.


And it was worth every penny. The first time I used it, I fell down the stairs afterwards because My legs were so shaky. Result! What a piece of kit! It gave Me mind blowing orgasms that lasted a minute of more every single time I used it. It was great! Luckily, I lived in a detached house at the time, and My housemate was pretty relaxed about the idea of having what sounded like a lawnmower going for 20 minutes at a time. The Sybian helped Me rediscover My sexuality, and I am very grateful to the makers of it. If you can afford it, and live in a situation where you can have a really loud and large sex toy, go and order one now!!! It was a life changer. It made Me realise the potential of sex toys.

Suddenly, I had gone from the mechanical wank, out of necessity, to spoiling Myself with an experience that I would really look forward to. It was a complete game changer.

At the end of 2015, I moved back to central London, in a big old Victorian end of terrace house, in which I decided to take lodgers. There was no way I was going to be able to use the Sybian at home anymore, so I decided to keep it at My dungeon, knowing that I would be able to use it whenever I was there. Unfortunately, that left Me with unfulfilled late night urges which were only fulfilled by using My rabbit vibrator (one that I had purchased a couple of years earlier, after My second lelo one died (seriously guys, Lelo is NOT worth the price!) and which was just a simple rabbit from the same famous sex shop. This did the trick for the last year, although it was nowhere near as good as the Sybian. But it got Me through. It did the job, although it was nowhere as exciting to use as the Sybian. And then it died just before Christmas.

Let's just say it did the trick... nothing more

Let’s just say it did the trick… nothing more

I had seen on twitter that quite a few Mistresses had this giant wand vibrator called a Doxy. They all seemed to be in love with it, so I figured that it couldn’t be anywhere near as loud as the Sybian, being just a wand, and I decided to get Myself one. It arrived just over a week ago, and it is absolutely mind blowing. If you buy the standard model, it is actually cheaper (!) than the Lelo rabbit was when I bought it.

The vibrations are completely unlike other handheld vibrators on the market, and much loser to what I have experienced using My Sybian. They rattle My pubis. It’s unbelievable. In the last week, I have completely rediscovered masturbation again, and I now feel as if I am truly learning to pleasure Myself as a couple would pleasure each other. My masturbation has turned into Me time. It’s like spoiling Myself. I kind of feel like I have a budding relationship with My Doxy. Similarly to the relationships men have with their cars. except that My doxy give Me orgasms. It is indeed a powerful beast, and one to be approached with care. I still haven’t even dared use it at the top settings, as the vibrations even on the lower settings are mind-blowingly powerful. But I am looking to getting to know My Doxy better, and to having a fruitful masturbatory relationship with it.

Oh, beautiful Doxy, how I love thee!

Oh, beautiful Doxy, how I love thee!


The reason for which I have shared all of this is because I want every Woman out there to be able to sexually fulfil Herself. Sadly, the sex toys available in the shops that most people visit when looking for sex toys are just sub par, leaving most people thinking that’s as good as it will get. But it’s not! And you deserve to spoil yourself. You deserve to have fantastic masturbatory experiences. So if you can afford it, and don’t have kids running around the house (or housemates), go and get yourself a Sybian! If not, get a Doxy. Start to nurture your sexuality. You deserve it. And if you really want to spoil yourself, fork out an extra 60 quid and get the Die-Cast version, like I did. This thing is clearly built to last, and it’s wonderful having a sex toy which looks and feels like a serious piece of engineering.


Seriously though, go and order one now! You’ll thank Me for it.

  • Joanna Armstrong

    A great post as always. Masturbation, whether you are male or female is a fabulous way to learn about your body and how it responds, what works and what doesn’t and I find that no two orgasms are the same. The best are without doubt the one’s you take time to build up to and having had a wand used on me I can recommend them for ladies and gentlemen. I’ve never used a Symbian, but I imagine that it could have quite some potential or those of us who are more adventurous especially in a BDSM context.
    Anyway great post, thank you for sharing and I hope you have a really super week.
    Jo xxx

    16th January 2017 at 3:59 pm
  • alexander loebe

    You know everything ….
    Again a fabulous writing about vibrators !
    Education permanente with Mrs Evilyne
    You enriched my life
    Also just by Your presence

    I am proud to know You, looking forward to meet You
    Sincerly yours
    slave alexander


    26th December 2017 at 10:24 pm

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